Triggers...

I am sort of in the mind-set that if I can figure out what my 'triggers' are then this could potentially be a healthy way of preventing my self-harm, or downward spirals....

There are a few problems with this:

1. I have know and thought about this for years after being asked about my triggers before, and it hasn't solved anything, so why would it now.

2. What if the triggers are out of your control and there is nothing you can do to stop them.

In answer to myself:

1. Situations, environments and surroundings can change which make you more able to recognise your triggers and possibly ore adapt to deal with them so there is not harm in trying again.

2. You may not be able to control the situations that arise but you can theoretically control the way you deal with them.


My triggers

1. Being let down (main trigger): It could be by a friend, family member, health professional or someone I don't even know, but if I have something planned and set up in my head about something specific that will take place e.g. a meeting, phone call etc and it doesn't happen, then the consequences will result in a situation such a my blog from a couple of days ago.
2. Being alone: I live by myself and I have done for the past 10 years so being alone is something that is generally a normal thing for me, but when I'm feeling needy, helpless, or that feeling of empty loneliness, having no one around, no one to call, no one that understands just makes everything seem a million times worse for me and again, sends me on that downward spiral.

I need to discover my other triggers. I know there are more and I will try to identify them then update this post....

Welcome to my first blog....

I am a strong believer in writing your feelings down as a form of letting emotions out in a healthy manner.
I have tonnes of notebooks and scraps of paper with thoughts and feelings from that specific time, because my emotions change at such a rapid pace that everything can be completely different from one day to the next. I could feel ecstatically happy one day (which isn't very often, but it does occasionally happen) and due to that intense feeling of high emotions, the next day I will fall like a tonne of bricks and can't function in a 'normal' way that is expected of me.

I started writing a book of topics that have affected me, but in a way that I could draw on past experiences in order to shed some light on my views on specific issues that people deal with on a daily basis whether they suffer from a mental health disorder or not. However whilst discussing the struggles I am having with committing to my book with a fellow sufferer today, he suggested I try and start a blog and take it from there....

I hope that my insights into the crazy manic depressive life of a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer can bring comfort to at least one other sufferer in the future and highlight the struggles we have to go through to friends and family of sufferers in order for the disorder to be more understood.