What is worse???? Wanting to kill myself VS Shutting it all out with sex, drug and alcohol????
How can you gage if your getting worse or not?
For example right now... I'm not suicidal, not typically self harming....
But I'm sitting here after snorting half a gram of cocaine which I've never done before, a guy sleeping in my bed that I've just fucked and left with no feelings what so ever and I've drank a 3/4 of a 2 litre bottle of vodka...
Its 3:30am!! Not tired at all....
Last night I fell asleep about this time after getting myself drunk and high from weed following days of not sleeping or eating.... I thought that was it and here I am after being 'let down' doing this shit to myself.... but at the moment it feel kind of good... dirty, fucked up but good....
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