Friends mean different things to different people I think. To some, they provide a strong support system that you can rely on when things go wrong, or you need immediate advise on a situation, using relating to a relationship issue but depending on your closeness to your circle of friends they can be a listening ear for much deeper issues such a health, family or work.
I feel it is an important part of a persons life that they have friends in which you can seek reassurance and support from and in return you can provide strength and assistance to in their times of need.
Finding friends in which this two-way process can work with can sometimes be hard and it can take a lot of trust and hard work to maintain a healthy friendship.
In my experience of friendships; for which there have been many, there a a variety of different relationships you may hold with a number of different friends; some entirely positive and some quite the opposite.
For example some friendships can be purely one-way in which you can feel used and abused by your purely giving nature which is not reciprocated and can therefore feel unfair, these friendships rarely stand the test of time, and although we all may have friends like this it becomes an individual decision if you continue with this relationship or cut that person off when they begin to cross the line. In these situations I have learnt not to necessarily cut all ties with these friends but to distance myself and not to continuously agree to their requests, and more importantly not feel bad when you deny them of their demands by simply saying "No".
This is because the more you respond positively and continue to say "yes", the more these types of friends see you as a type of backbone or resolution to their problems or wishes without realising the effect it may have on you.
On the other-hand, these friends maybe great in other ways and you may not want to loosen ties with them, in which case you must take the route of either explaining how you feel in an assertive but informal manner so they are aware of how you feel therefore giving them the option to re-evalute the friendship and if they feel you are still important to them minus all the things that you do for them then they should respond in a positive and remorseful manner.
The other option is you can consciously maintain contact with that friend but on your terms, for example if a meeting involves a chore or request that is purely to benefit them and you do not feel comfortable doing it, then decline the offer of meeting and suggest that you meet up to do something on a level ground doing something that you both enjoy doing together with an equal motive.
Another type of friend is commonly known as the 'Fair weathered friend', who comes and goes out of your life, depending on why this person acts this way with you, you may or may not manage to maintain a long-term friendship with this person, as on one of there disappearing acts you may decide you've had enough of the unstableness and not bother to get in contact with them again.
In some cases although it may be difficult to admit, but this may be a positive thing for you to let go, as some people who rely on structure in their life, these relationships can really upset the balance, as you can get used to having this person around and when they no longer are a part of your life for an undefined amount of time, it can leave you with feelings of doubt, untrusting, loneliness and even guilt.
It is again, a personal choice whether you feel comfortable, or that it benefits you in someway to continue your friendship with this type of person. For example I have a very close friend whom I have known for over 10 years now and she, for her own personal reasons, and nothing to do with me, can come in and out of my life for up to 6 months to a year at a time. When she is in my life, it is a very close relationship in which we get on more than most of our other friends and because I understand that due to her emotional ups and downs (which are similar to my own) she may one day not answer my calls or cut herself off from everyone around her. Some of our mutual friends to do accept this and have felt hurt and angry with her, especially when she misses out being there for significant times in our lives when she really should be there as a friend. Therefore I think if you can understand and recognise the reasoning behind a friend like this without taking it too much to heart when they leave, knowing they will be back at some point in your life then it is important to keep an open mind and maintain this type of friendship, especially if they are very fond of this person and would like them to be part of your life forever.
Then there are the life long friends, the type of friend that you could possibly be sisters because you are just so similar, friends that you can be silly with and share ridiculous stories with; have such a laugh with everything you do, but yet when it is time to be serious you can open up and spill your heart out together. These are the friends that everyone should have at least one of. The length of time that you have known each other doesn't always matter in principle, for example I met a girl in the first week of me moving to Egypt, I thought she looked friendly, so I approached her on the basis that we were reading books by the same author. We were inseparable from then on, she was living in England and was only on holiday, but the time we spent and do spend together when she visited or we meet up in England is absolutely hilarious and gives me real hope that there are genuine people in the world that wish no harm on others and are put on earth to remind you that you can be happy in life, that's why I call this particular friend 'My Angel'.
When I initially mentioned at the start of the chapter, that with friendships comes hard work to maintain them, my reasoning behind this only became apparent to me quite recently, there were two incidents for which I came to this conclusion. The first was when my absolute best friend, whom I have known for 10 years and has been a constant in my life for most of them and in turn I had supported her through boyfriends, babyfathers and family dramas, suddenly met the perfect man.
It is enivitable in every woman's life that at some point through the comings and goings of useless partners, short-term or long-term, regretful or unrepentant, gorgeous or 'what the hell was I thinking!' types that you will at some point settle down with someone. Anyone who has got a long-term best friend who they care for and love very much will want our friend to be blessed with the happiness and comfort that this can bring to them, especially in like my situation where there are children involved that at that time had no father figure.
So, as the good friend you are, you listen and advise as the relationship gets deeper and more serious, as you watch on and see your friend possibly slowly drift away.
However hopefully their new partner, welcomes the close relationship with your dear friend, therefore allowing your friendship to maintain the strong hold that it always was, and hopefully in accordance with this, your friend wants to maintain the level of devotion to you, that you had always shared. Furthermore, you, as the newly elected 'outside party' can appreciate that things will be different but that as long as your friend doesn't turn their back on you then you remain to support and be extremely happy for the new partnership.
Those three key perspectives must form a solid unspoken agreement or else someone, usually you, will eventually end up feeling betrayed and hurt.
In this scenario, I feel it is always important to express to your friend how you feel from a completely unselfish perspective, as in most cases they are oblivious to the forthcoming situation that could potentially result in a loss of a very important friendship.
The last type of friendship I will discuss is that of an 'acquaintance' this could be someone you kind of know but couldn't really have an in depth conversation with other than in the subject for which brought you both together i.e. school days or work related.
They may have been a really good friend at one point but you grew apart and now have nothing in common and however much you could potentially get along with one another the ground work for this relationship is just not there.
We all probably have lots of 'acquaintances' that we deem as 'friends', all you need to do is take a social networking site such as Facebook to prove the point. Personally I have hundreds of 'friends' that I have accepted over the years on the basis that I used to work with them, I used to go to school with them, I met them in a social situation etc, but how many of these people actually have your telephone number? How many would you genuinely meet up with on a regular basis (that doesn't include saying "Ahh we should definitely meet up soon!" - because you don't and in the back of your mind you know you won't!) Even down to the point where your walking down the street and you see someone that is 'one of your Facebook friends' from school or similar and you completely avoid them because you actually don't have anything to say to them and it would only end up being an embarrassing "Hiya! How are you?" while your still walking at a fast pace, or just a quick smile to acknowledge each others presence.
Really when it comes down to it, whether it be one friend or 5 friends, I think we can count our genuinely good friends on one hand, these are friends for which you stick by each other no matter what, that you can both confide in and support each others feelings in a sensitive manner by knowing exactly the personality and sensitivity level that each other holds and responds best to.
To finish, I always try to stick to the rules firstly; you should treat others how you expect to be treated, that is the key to a successful friendship and secondly; Men come and go but friends are there for life.
